Invisible Assassin Messing with My Head

Published March 20, 2020

Now that we’re on lockdown, home confinement, or whatever they’re calling it here in California, we’re only allowed to go to the grocery store, pharmacy, bank or gas station. Hell, those are the only places I usually go anyway. This virus still is not affecting my lifestyle much … other than in the head.

I am afraid that when I go to the grocery store today, there will be hordes of people, empty shelves, or both. I made a long list last night of all the items I want to get, then couldn’t sleep worrying about the trip. My kids offered to go shopping for me, since I’m 64, but I’d rather just be extra diligent and mindful of the risks and do my own shopping.

I am worried about my wife, who is a store manager at our local Target and, thus, on the front lines in dealing with rowdy teens, shoplifters, and throngs of harried, upset, greedy and rude customers – and that was before the coronavirus. Now I also worry that she may bring the virus home with her.

Not being able to watch sports on TV is possibly the worst aspect of this for me. Staying home is one thing. Staying home with no sports on TV is torture. There is very little else on the box that interests me. I took out three books from the library before it shut down for the virus, but much as I love reading, it’s not enough. Writing? As evidenced by this piece, all I can focus on is the fucking virus.

We’re lucky in many ways. We’re not adversely affected financially by the virus as many people are. We live in a quiet suburban neighborhood where it’s easy to take walks and not get within six feet of anyone. We’re in California, where you can be outside in March and grill on the patio. We’re healthy and feel great physically. If only I could get this invisible assassin out of my head.